Finding Angels
by skullbaby-03
Summary: read it to find out...or look at the title. duh


Lilith watched the sun set, feeling alone. She couldn't remember ever really having friends. Her mom and dad were both gone, Gran was going, and she would have no where to go. She would be left to fend on her own... after all, she'd be eighteen in less than a month. She glanced down, starting to let her pen scratch across the paper.  
  
i don't know why i can't ever make friends. people just instinctively don't like me. even gran. she loves me, but only out of a sense of duty. she's all-the-time talking about how god and his angels are there to watch after me, even when she can't...but i wonder. if i really had angels to watch after me, would life bring me down so much? wouldn't i have friends and a real family? or even have found someone special to care for me? why haven't i found my soul's angel? or any angel for that matter?  
  
The sun was just a thin golden-red streak across the edge of the horizon. The tall field grass waved at her in the breeze. She shivered. It was cold. She should go home. Gran would be wondering if she had gotten hurt or something. Unconsciously, she checked the cell phone. NO MESSAGES stared up at her from a black-on-blue screen. Several thoughts ran through her head at once as she put the phone away and let the pen touch paper again.   
  
maybe i don't have angels because they've been called to someone who's going to do something great. maybe they're protecting some kid that's gonna cure cancer. or world hunger even. or maybe it's all just a big lie. i have no angels. i'm probably only attempting to comfort myself with vague thoughts.   
  
A pause before she started writing again.   
  
there are no angels. there is nothing but the present and what we make of it. at least that's my thought for the day. or night rather.   
  
Lilith shut the composition notebook and stuffed it into her backpack, followed by her pens and then the bottle of strawberry soda she'd been sipping from for the past hour. In the semi darkness that came between sunset and moonrise, she navigated her way through the grass and gravel to the driver's side door of her car. She got in, turned the key in the ignition and drove out of the field.   
  
Once home, she found Gran sleeping heavily on the couch. Lilith decided to try to awaken the woman and get her into her own bed rather than listen to her moan and groan the next morning about back pains. She called "Granny, wake up. You should be in bed, wake up," softly; poked the old woman's arm gently until she stirred and her eyes opened.   
  
"Lily, where've you been? I was staying up for you." She slowly eased herself up into a sitting position.  
  
"I know Gran. I lost track of time, sorry." A quick glance at the red, digital clock on the mantel told her it was almost seven. Sadly by Granny's standards, dark was the time to be home. "Come on. You need to be in bed. This couch is no good for your back." Lilith took the old woman's free arm gently and pulled her up. The old woman shrugged her granddaughter off and shuffled to her bedroom. After a brief moment of repeated goodnights and gentle reprimands, the door shut. Lilith quietly went around the house, checking the locks and the lights and the stove. Then she went to take a hot shower and go to bed. She fell asleep wrapped up in her coverlet, her stuffed cow from childhood held in her arms.   
  
- - -   
  
The sunlight streamed over Lilith's body, untouched by the ring of trees around her. The air itself was cool, but the warm sunlight made everything just right. The rock she was leaning against was warm. A breeze blew into her hair and her eyes drifted closed. She would fall asleep here probably, all alone...  
  
Lilith was jerked upright. Her eyes flew open and she saw a flash of deadly silver. Then the action slowed down and she saw that it was a small knife, about four inches long. The blade was sticking up, out of the earth and grass, holding a squirming, withering snake in place. Dimly she realized the snake had been right next to her ankle. Feeling slightly nauseated by the dying creature, she turned around, finding herself very close to a half-clothed man.   
  
At six feet tall, he towered over her five-three frame. Dark blonde hair glimmered in the sunlight and very, very light blue eyes held her captive. The color was so light that at first she had wondered if the color was white and not colored. He wore no shirt but was dressed in worn, faded blue jeans. A belt of assorted weaponry hung low around his waist. She recognized knife sheaths, a revolver, and a whip. Then there were a few weapons she had no desire to know. The man's chest was covered in an assortment of scars, the old healed wounds seeming to stand out because of his sickly pallor.  
  
"Lilith are you alright?"  
  
She jerked. "Who are you?" Since seeing him, she could see all sorts of snakes, spiders, and other ugly creatures hiding in the grass and trees around them.   
  
"I'm the angel you don't believe in." He bent at the waist, picking up the knife he had thrown to the ground.   
  
Lilith scoffed. "If you're an angel, where're your wings? Your halo? And why are you so sickly looking?"   
  
"Because you're losing faith in me. I can only be if you believe I can." He picked her up by her waist and stood her on the rock she'd been leaning against before he had appeared. "I have no wings because you aren't free or happy. I have no halo because you are not an innocent and neither is the world you live in."  
  
Lilith watched him take out the whip to clear back some of the ugly creatures who were beginning to advance. "So can you tell me what these are then?" She flinched from the crack of the leather whip.  
  
"An illustration to save myself." He turned back to her, still surveying the area behind her. "These ungainly creatures are the everyday evils and demons that I am sworn to protect you from until you find the one truly meant for such duties. The everyday wrongdoings that you believe you are left defenseless to." The angel growled, shaking his foot. Lilith glanced down to find a two welts of blood on his foot. Another snake was crushed under his heel, still jerking from dying nerves.   
  
"You're hurt. Let me help -"  
  
"No." He cut her off with a shake of his head. "You are not immune to these poisons." A weary smile appeared on his lips. "That is why I protect you; your willingness to put yourself in harm's way for another, the future you can't see."  
  
Lilith realized his color was still fading. "Are you sick? Seriously?"  
  
"Only if you do not believe I stand here to protect you." He smiled a little. Almost sadly. "You won't condemn me to fall before these evils, will you?"  
  
Lilith shook her head hard, her eyes shut. When she opened them again, the scene had changed dramatically. The sky was a dark, velvet blue sprinkled randomly with tiny glittering diamonds. Sparse clouds were beginning to move in over the moon. Vaguely Lilith wondered where the time had gone. The she flinched, feeling strong arms wrap around her, pulling her back. She saw a flash of teeth and then death. A slain creature, dark of breed, lay at her feet. She was spun around roughly, away from the sight.   
  
Another man, this one with dark hair and cat-like amber eyes stared down at her. This one had no shirt and many scars like the first angel. "So, do you remember us yet, Lilith? Have we come alive for you yet?" There was a harshness to his voice that almost scared her. At the same time, though, it was almost comforting. Almost.   
  
"I'm dreaming. I have to be." She yelped aloud when he jerked her closer, his grip near painful.   
  
"This is not what should be. You should be intelligent enough to know we are real. You should not need solid proof of what you cannot see with your head, but your heart." He released her suddenly. "You know we are real in your heart."  
  
Lilith watched the new angel kneel down, pick up his knife from the animal's carcass. She gagged. The knife had come from underneath it seemed, tearing the animal's belly in a vertical line. The fresh blood glinted bluely in the moonlight.   
  
"You see what we do, to save your mind and soul?" He cleaned the knife on black jeans that would not show old or new stains. The angel sounded distressed and angry. "You see the horrors we face to keep your safety?" He waved his left arm around, indicating what had been a bright, pretty circle of trees. Had been. Glancing around, Lilith saw twelve other dead carcasses, all bloodily killed. Suddenly aware of the rotten scent they gave off, Lilith gagged and vomited.   
  
The angel, seeing how affected she was, reached out, pulling her up and away, and handed her a clean handkerchief. Lilith grabbed for the scented cloth and held it to her nose. A scent like cinnamon overcame the stench of death. She staggered, still a little overwhelmed, holding onto the angel's arm to steady herself. "Why are there more dead here than in the day?" She turned her eyes away from the dead to focus them on a diagonal scar on the angel's cheek.   
  
"Because the night hides many more evils than the day has shadows for. Do you not notice the men that stalk you for blocks after sunset?" The angel gave a wicked, self-righteous grin. Then the look vanished, replaced by one so serious and grave that it took Lilith back by surprise. "Do you believe now that we die if you do not trust that we are here for you?" The look that came into his eyes was almost painful.   
  
"Why are there two of you? Isn't everyone supposed to have just one guardian angel?"  
  
The angel shook his head sadly, his hair falling in to hide his face. "No. Not today. The wicked have populated this earth far more than they ever did. Everyone needs as many friends and protectors as they can muster." He glanced to the left and right, suddenly drawing forth a large blade and swiping it back behind him and then behind her, pulling her against him so that she did not get hit by the sharp side. "It doesn't matter how many of us there are Lilith, what matters is that you believe in us. Or else we die uselessly." He released her, satisfied that there was no immediate danger now. "Do not make dead and dying fools of us, Lilith. I know you are not that cruel." The angel's upper lip rose in a snarl almost. "Get down and cover Lilith." His eyes gentled slightly. "Close your eyes." He didn't give Lilith any chance to comply and drew the sword up, preparing to strike it in a circular motion. Lilith dropped to the earth and cowered.  
  
The earth suddenly smelled fresh and green. Opening her eyes and cautiously peeking out, she saw that everything was green and fresh again. A pleasant rain had started to fall. It hardened and she heard her name called.   
  
"Lilith!"   
  
Preparing herself to see another angel, she stood, squinting in the rain. The most beautiful figure she had ever seen stood in the shadow of the trees, where fat drops of rain accumulated on the upper canopy of green only to fall on his shoulders. She found herself walking slowly to the man, uncertain as she remembered the dark-angel's words. -the night hides many more evils than the day has shadows for. Lilith found that she couldn't have stopped herself from going to this man if she had wanted to. Not that she would have. She came to stand less than three feet from the man.   
  
"I won't remember you when I wake. You won't remember me. You'll remember something pleasant was seen but this particularly will evade your consciousness." He smiled slightly. "Know that we will meet and I will care for you and keep you safe."   
  
"How can I remember you if I don't know who you are?" Lilith suddenly glanced around, suddenly aware that she could see no threatening creatures advancing on her. "Where are all the evils? The ones the angels were fighting..." She turned on her heel, slipping in the wetness. The man caught her.   
  
He smiled. "I wouldn't dare allow them near you. I won't allow them near you when I find you."  
  
Lilith straightened slowly. "So who are you then? Besides another mysterious person. Are you an angel?"  
  
He shook his head. "No. I have my angel." He took her hands, warming them in his. "I have no need to be one." Very gently he drew her into the protetctive circle of his arms. "I'm what some would call a soul mate. Do you not wonder why I seem so familiar? Even more so than your angels, little girl?"   
  
"I hadn't thought of that." Lilith frowned, suddenly uneasy to leave this. Even if it was a dream, it was far too sweet of one for her to want to leave it. They stood in silence, together like that, for a few minutes. "I have to leave this now, don't I? I have to forget all I've learned and all I wanted to learn now?"  
  
He nodded. "Yes. I have to forget it all too."  
  
"Answer me this so that I know it, at least for a second. Where are you?"  
  
He smiled vaguely as he pushed something into her hand. "So close and yet so far." He leaned down as if to kiss her-   
  
- - -  
  
Lilith awoke from her sleep suddenly and yet slowly. She smiled to herself without quite knowing why. She felt secure and content, delightfully comfortable. Her stuffed cow, though worn and travel-weary, felt warm, almost heated in her arms. She rolled in the blankets, keeping them up close around her shoulders and neck. The old house they lived in was cold in the winter mornings. Something caught in her hand and she frowned, shifting, carefully bringing her hand up so that, for the most part, she remained covered and warm.   
  
In her hand was a small, half-blossomed rosebud. The white bloom made her smile and frown. It was her favorite, but where had it come from? She certainly hadn't gone to sleep with it. A snatch of a dream flooded her mind briefly but then was gone. She was left struggling after the image, but unable to identify it. Reaching over the edge of the bed, she searched for her journal. The pen felt cold in her hand as she began to write.   
  
i found a rosebud in my hand this morning. where on earth did that come from? there aren't even any roses blooming this time of year. ...and i'm happy this morning. how rare is that? that i wake up feeling joyful? i know i dreamed something good, but i can't remember it. it's gonna be bugging me all day. what did i dream to make me wake up smiling?  
  
She paused, glancing back at the previous page to find her thoughts from the day before.   
  
i don't feel as alone as i did yesterday. i feel like someone's out there, caring about me without knowing who maybe, but they're caring at least. REALLY CARING. maybe my angels have found me again? or maybe i found the angel that's been avoiding me on the dream-plane. i wonder if i did find my soul's angel?   
  
it doesn't matter i suppose. either way, i know that i'm cared about somewhere. now only to find who cares for me. 


End file.
